Saturday, September 6, 2008
Moving to a new website
Please join me at my new website: http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/
Friday, September 5, 2008
Reason #5: We Become Afraid of All Babysitters
Today was my son's first day of day care. He has just learned to walk a few months ago, but he has no words. I started to cry this morning, getting him ready for his first day of day care. My husband assured me that it would be okay, and that he would love it.
The thing is, my mother trusted a young teenage girl to watch my brother and I. This babysitter molested us both. We were so young and so vulnerable, and the damage was done by the time she got home. She put her hands in places she shouldn't have, her tongue on places she shouldn't have, and had my brother put his tongue and mouth and hands and eyes on places he shouldn't have had to know of. I was less than five years old, he was less than 8. We were scared and alone, and this woman was in charge, and there was no where we could run. She said "Let's play a game." Games shouldn't make us feel dirty and scared forever.
Now that I am older, I understand that she was probably molested herself. But this is exactly my point. We know you molesters exist out there. We know you are opportunists who are just waiting for the right time and place to molest our children without getting caught in the act. And we know you will lie about it if you are caught.
Survivors of child sexual abuse tend to view the world in very black and white terms, without shades of gray. People are either good or bad. They will either hurt us and our kids, or they won't. And since that is our understanding of the world, we become afraid of putting our children into day care. This is why you shouldn't fuck kids, we become afraid of everyone that comes into contact with our children. You have proven you are willing to hurt us in unthinkable ways, and we take that knowledge with us in every facet of our life. Most especially with our children. The thought of such things happening to my beautiful, precious son scares me to my very core.
Please, G-d, don't let this happen to my child. Please, Lord, protect my child in the way You were unable to protect me.
The thing is, my mother trusted a young teenage girl to watch my brother and I. This babysitter molested us both. We were so young and so vulnerable, and the damage was done by the time she got home. She put her hands in places she shouldn't have, her tongue on places she shouldn't have, and had my brother put his tongue and mouth and hands and eyes on places he shouldn't have had to know of. I was less than five years old, he was less than 8. We were scared and alone, and this woman was in charge, and there was no where we could run. She said "Let's play a game." Games shouldn't make us feel dirty and scared forever.
Now that I am older, I understand that she was probably molested herself. But this is exactly my point. We know you molesters exist out there. We know you are opportunists who are just waiting for the right time and place to molest our children without getting caught in the act. And we know you will lie about it if you are caught.
Survivors of child sexual abuse tend to view the world in very black and white terms, without shades of gray. People are either good or bad. They will either hurt us and our kids, or they won't. And since that is our understanding of the world, we become afraid of putting our children into day care. This is why you shouldn't fuck kids, we become afraid of everyone that comes into contact with our children. You have proven you are willing to hurt us in unthinkable ways, and we take that knowledge with us in every facet of our life. Most especially with our children. The thought of such things happening to my beautiful, precious son scares me to my very core.
Please, G-d, don't let this happen to my child. Please, Lord, protect my child in the way You were unable to protect me.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Reason #4: Addiction
The addiction and child sex abuse link is supported by oodles of research. But hey, if you don't believe me, ask a survivor. Most of us are at the local bar, or high, or frankly, if you are like me, fat. I can't stop fucking eating.
A therapist once said to me "Food is mother. Literally, when you are born, food is mother (i.e., breastmilk)." After the breastfeeding, food is still mother, in terms of nurturing. That's the thing with surviving abuse, we spend the rest of our lives trying to mother ourselves with food.
We eat so much until we are in a food coma, till we can't think about the disgusting shit you did to us. Then, we can't take it, and everything we have stuffed down all these years - we throw it all up. We spend all this time swallowing everything down, keeping this great big secret inside of us, and then we throw it all up.
This is why you shouldn't fuck kids. We form addictions, whether it be binge-eating disorder, bulimia, or whatever addiction is most suited to your personality.
A therapist once said to me "Food is mother. Literally, when you are born, food is mother (i.e., breastmilk)." After the breastfeeding, food is still mother, in terms of nurturing. That's the thing with surviving abuse, we spend the rest of our lives trying to mother ourselves with food.
We eat so much until we are in a food coma, till we can't think about the disgusting shit you did to us. Then, we can't take it, and everything we have stuffed down all these years - we throw it all up. We spend all this time swallowing everything down, keeping this great big secret inside of us, and then we throw it all up.
This is why you shouldn't fuck kids. We form addictions, whether it be binge-eating disorder, bulimia, or whatever addiction is most suited to your personality.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Reason # 3: We Get Scared Of People
A guy approached me in an elevator today. He was smiling and flirting with me. My reaction was to freak out and run away. I stammered something and then ran away.
Here's the thing. When you fuck kids, they grow up and get scared of intimacy. Someone flirting with me means that he wants to get intimate with me at some point. People got "intimate" with me when I didn't want them to, when I was in a little body and I didn't have the power for my "no" to be heard and respected. Now I am still that scared little girl in a grown up body, and I am seriously afraid that you, guy in the elevator, you won't respect my no either. So I run away from you as quick as possible.
I know what you want. I can see it in your eyes. And all of you scare the shit out of me, to be honest. This is why you shouldn't fuck kids, we get scared of people because we know they are willing to hurt us.
Here's the thing. When you fuck kids, they grow up and get scared of intimacy. Someone flirting with me means that he wants to get intimate with me at some point. People got "intimate" with me when I didn't want them to, when I was in a little body and I didn't have the power for my "no" to be heard and respected. Now I am still that scared little girl in a grown up body, and I am seriously afraid that you, guy in the elevator, you won't respect my no either. So I run away from you as quick as possible.
I know what you want. I can see it in your eyes. And all of you scare the shit out of me, to be honest. This is why you shouldn't fuck kids, we get scared of people because we know they are willing to hurt us.
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